Start where you are, again.

Friday, October 1, 2010 Repost of the Beginning - because I got sidetracked, because I need to hear it all again (and seem to on regular basis) - such resistance!

"I have been wanting to have a blog of my own for years, since my last one was copied and destroyed under duress (long story that I may someday share)...but which left me in fear of writing and producing again the stuff that comes from my heart. Yet today I stumbled across Pam England's new blog and it was the final kick-in-the-ass I needed.

My intentions for this blog is two-fold: to write about birth & politics (as they tend to go hand-in-hand), and to write about my own inner Heroine's Journey. My hope is that my posts will be juicy and chalk full of bare bones Big-ness. I thought long and hard about the title. While, I would love to be full of inspiration all the time, open and free and productive and good, sometimes I am not so. Sometimes I am bare-bones full of hot despair. But I have made a commitment to myself to live in the shaky, tender place of impermanence, to express that however it comes out with a boldness and compassion for it. So, yeah, sometimes my posts will be small. I know this, and have given you fair-warning.

I hope you are encouraged by my blunders as well as my victories"

Start where you are, because all of it is a beginning starting place, over and over. As much as I would like to "further along" - whatever that looks like - I am where I am.

Pretty much an Orphan looking for her tribe. Questioning people, thoughts, situations: does this feel like "home"? or oh my! that's definitely not a safe place, or that feels way too alian to me... Me, thrown out of my sweet place of comfort, hardened a little and determined to be a loner (tribes?! we don't need no stinking tribes!). There is solace in having nothing left to take or to loose. I kinda' like that place: yes my parents are gone now, don't ever have to go thru that experience again. I think I will revel in my orphan for a while (this is not literal, I feel it necessary to say, though it is - I am thinking of many other losses in general and being left out in the cold to fend for myself).